All Your Gay Representations Are Belong To Us
by Troumvirate
Summary: Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.


Key:

Normal text = regular paragraphs

"Quoted words" = dialogue

 _"Italicized words in quotes"_ = thinking

 **Bolded words** = text messages

 **"Bolded words in quotes"** = bolded words in quotes

 _ **"Bolded italicized words in quotes"**_ = a character talking on the phone on a Tuesday evening making a long distance call using Anytime Minutes provided to them on their Sprint plan where any call up to 20 minutes is only 99 cents, with each minute after that costing 10 cents

13.7563 degrees north, 100.5018 degrees east = Bangkok, Thailand

Scarlet David was humping Ilia with the force of a thousand bronies dancing at a brony convention rave. Such was their girth and weight that they caused the entire convention center to shake to its very foundations, damaging the second floor of the building on which they danced and causing the Fire Marshall to come out and have to inspect the place.

So yeah. Scarlet was pounding that dyke's meat gash so hard that the mattress was beginning to sink in. And who could blame him? The guy was sexually frustrated as fuck. He was on a team with a bunch of hot dudes, but none of them were gay. One even had his abs exposed all day every day. If he could lather up Sun with a bunch of cream and lick it off of him, he would be the happiest guy in the world. But sadly Sun loved Blake. And Ilia was the best thing he had.

 _"I'm not straight, I like dicks,"_ he insisted to himself as his hips smacked repeatedly into her flat ass. _"I'm not straight. I'm totally not straight. Ilia isn't a girl. She's so flat she might as well be a guy. She has no boobs. She has no hips. She has no ass. She's totally not a girl. Just pretend she's a guy. Just pretend she's Sun."_

Meanwhile Ilia was in much the same boat. Ilia was a muff diver through and through, but there was something about Scarlet David which screamed "female" to her. There was nothing manly about the twink. He had as much muscle mass as the average girl she knew. All she had to do was close her eyes and pretend.

 _"I'm not straight. I like girls. Just imagine it's Blake. Blake with a nice strap-on. Or with a dick. Futa-Blake is so hot! I wish futa-blake would just fuck me! Why can't this be Blake!"_

Blake and Sun were the problem. Why couldn't they both see that gay love was so much better and purer than straight love? Why couldn't Sun and Scarlet be together? Why couldn't Blake and Ilia be together?

Those two alone were just not good enough. Their gay representation wasn't good enough. It had to be with MAIN CHARACTERS! Gay representation isn't real representation until half the main cast are gay.

Like, wow. A background character who hasn't appeared since volume 3 and Ilia. BIG DEAL! Not gay enough for my tastes. You promised representation! YOU PROMISED! YOU MADE BMBLB! QUEER BAIT! WHY ARE YOU TEASING A LESBIAN SHIP BETWEEN TWO MAIN CHARACTERS IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN? THAT'S IRRESPONSIBLE! I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE! I NEED IT! I NEED IT TO BE HAPPY! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! HETERONORMALCY IS OPPRESSING ME! I NEED TO FEEL INCLUDED! PLEASE! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! MAKE BLAKE AND YANG GAY! MAKE IT HAPPEN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

YOU DON'T GET IT. YOU JUST DON'T GET IT. YOU TRY GROWING UP AND SEEING ONLY STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS ON TV AND IN MOVIES. RWBY PROMISED ME, AND ME PERSONALLY, THAT I WOULD SEE GAY PEOPLE. AND THAT THEY WOULD BE IMPORTANT. AND THAT I WOULD FEEL INCLUDED. AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT ALL I'M GETTING IS ILIA AND SCARLET? UNACCEPTABLE!

I FUCKING HATE JEFF WILLIAMS AND CASEY LEE WILLIAMS AND MILES AND KERRY! DON'T FUCKING MAKE MUSIC THAT TEASES US! DON'T EXPRESS YOUR ARTISTIC CREATIVITY! FUCK YOU! GIMMIE WHAT I WANT BECAUSE I WANT IT! I'M NOT ENTITLED! I'M NOT A SPOILED BRAT! YOU SAID WE'D GET REPRESTATION SO GIMMIE! GIMMIE NOW!

So Scarlet got Ilia pregnant because he didn't pull out. The consequences of Scarlet imagining that her tight virgin pussy was Sun's boi pussy, and thinking that he could cream pie her.

Ilia had a kid, and they became a loving family. Hey, look! Someone besides Jaune cured a dyke! This is breaking new ground.

Whatever.

The end.


End file.
